Fit to Sauna

“Cardio”, I write in neon green dry erase marker, then after a pause, add the word “ABS” in all caps.

I wanted to be more organized. I cleaned off the dry erase board I hadn’t used since last September (yikes…) and marked the rest of my month in semi-permanent fashion.

You see, I just joined a gym. Not one of the name brand, but a local, probably overpriced gym, and the reason I picked it was (deity help me) the sauna.

Yup: the dry sauna with its delicious woodsy aroma and the ability to go to temperatures previously experienced only south of the border.

I force myself to go to said gym every day but two days a week, gruel some workout that my fat arse has to gasp through, just for that lovely half hour in the sauna.

I gained 20 pounds and about six sizes over the last year. It happened somewhat gradually, and I firmly believe its because my circumstances have made me “fat and happy”. Being in love and having a desk job are causes for celebration and I definitely celebrated way too hard.

I’m fortunate in that my fat distributes evenly, although now I have even more work to do. I’m short, so getting fat means everything stops working. I got the same sort of bronchial infection twice and now I have asthma-like symptoms (yay).

It makes the desire to even try getting healthy dissipate faster than snow in the Sahara.

2012 was supposed to be the year of fitness. I sort of rolled around the idea of running while rolling around on my couch in front of Skyrim. I eyed my old running gear warily in my closet, then a cold spell hit and I ate Thin Mints instead. It really seemed the better option, and those cookies are from Satan, I swear.

I caved to reason (finally!) and started a relationship with some sexy new black exercise pants, but then never went out with them again. Until this past week.

I forced myself out of the house. I marched over to the aforementioned gym and signed up for my 10-consecutive-day free trial.

For two days I swam laps, which my asthmatic lungs learned to deal with. I only can manage under ten right now, (which is pathetic, I know,) cursed asthma! But I’ll add a lap per swim until I can do more.

This week, I will sell my soul to the devil for two years worth of a contract just to get a decent “youth” rate, (because being in my 20s means “youth”, and for once I’m glad about it.)

I went to the grocery store the first night and bought every health magazine they had as well as a cartload of healthy diet staples. (That were actually yummy.)

Saturday was a setback having visited two friends with tiny babies and, in my happy mood, eating terribly. The Kansas BBQ Burger and Cajun seasoned fries never tasted SO good, but made me feel SO guilty.

But I’m going to get fit, deity-damn-it, as long as it doesn’t kill me! I’m going to start up hot yoga and swim laps, and do all sorts of twisty movements considered beneficial for thighs, butt and abs!

Because I’m using that sauna as my crutch. The reason I will shell out $40 a month for a gym.

Then there is that whole, you know…Health thing.

–But that’s second to the sauna.

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