The Pirate of Walmart – Trifecta Week 49 Challenge


Ahoy, matey – enemies starboard!

It was a disaster in the bread aisle at Walmart, and the Frankenstorm hadn’t even made landfall yet.

The clerk was two paces away from walking off the proverbial plank as he backed up, hands in the air.  “I’m sorry,” he said, trembling in his blue apron, “but you’re going to have to buy the bagel thins.  They’re all we have left.”

“Are you out of your mind?” the angry customer said, scoffing and folding his arms with a crunch.  He was wearing a blue poncho that enveloped him like a huge waterproof tarp.

It wasn’t raining yet.

“It’s a freakin’ hurricane!  How is my family supposed to survive for a week off of everything-flavored bagel thins.”

“We’re not paying $4 for these,” said the old woman, ”you’ll have to lower the price.”

“I-I’ll ask my manager…” the clerk began, shuffling his feet.

“$4? For bread? You whore!” a man in a yellow sweater said.  “This is Walmart, for crissakes!”

Please,” a 30-something mother said, covering the ears of her 2 year old.  The kid wasn’t paying attention.

“That’s it, I’m going to 7-11,” poncho man said with slumping shoulders, weary and defeated.  “I hear they’ve still got Sunbeam bread for a buck-fifty”

“Seriously?” Intrigued, the mother lead her toddler away, “come on Timmy.”

“This is America!” yellow sweater shouted.  “How can you be out? Didn’t you people prepare?”

“Give me the darn things,” said the old lady, snatching the bag.

The clerk was already sneaking away.

“I’m not done talking to you!” yellow sweater yelled, sounding like an overly large five year old.

“Danny! Riot in the battery aisle!” called another clerk, wide-eyed as he paused in the mouth of the aisle.  “You gotta see this!”

I left the crazies of the bread aisle to their complaining and stole off with the bounty in hand: the last bag of bagel thins.  I, the pirate of the bread aisle, prepared for my final battle: the checkout line.




3: a venal or unscrupulous person.

This is the answer to Trifecta’s weekly challenge with the word “whore” in its third definition.

Real life DID inspire this, in that I did spend some time shopping at Walmart prior to the hurricane and did notice some clerks getting hassled about missing water and bread… though not to this extent.

I am watching Sandy take my area “by storm”.  I hope I didn’t go “overboard” with the pirate analogy.  I seriously wrote this by candle and flashlight during the power outage.  THAT is dedication.



  1. I thoroughly enjoyed this because I know how crazy Walmart can get even WITHOUT a hurricane. Fantastic job with our word this week! Wow! I didn’t say it.

  2. I’m an office clerk at a grocery store. I saw things like this and more from behind the safety of the walls of our office. We ran out of batteries, flashlights, ice, bread, water…We had customers hassling our managers to lower the brand-name water down to the price of the store-brand (which was sold out). I just don’t understand the impatience of customers. A good portion of them must have had a job as a cashier/clerk/salesperson at some point in their lives, and remember what it was like to be treated poorly by ignorant customers. Why do they return that same ignorance?

    Um…yeah sorry, I’ll end my rant there (: Great piece!

    1. Ahhh oh man, I feel your pain!

      Rant most welcome.

      I was a humble cashier at a farmer’s market for over a year of my life and I saw some ANGRY customers. I’m ways extra nice to every clerk and cashier I meet (unless they are rude to me of the bat) because I recall my days working retail and would not wish it upon anyone. It can suck, especially around holidays/storms/random days customers decide to declare important.

      Yeah, I wonder that too: why don’t they recall their humble beginnings?! People are just slow to remember, I suppose…

      My rant, done as well! 🙂

  3. Hope the pirate navigates the check out line safely! I haven’t been to Wal Mart during a hurricane, but this sure sounds like it could describe the day after Thanksgiving there as well 🙂

  4. after stints in customer service i always try to be nice to service workers, although ive got to admit there was once or twice when i flipped out! yeep. very well written story though; really loved it!

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