I don’t need to hear that achieving the improbable is unlikely. Or that it’s hard.
I know the struggle is long and the likeliness I will reach even 200 fans at once is going to take a lot of effort.
It will take more than just the confidence of VH1 and Sony producers, although that doesn’t hurt.
It will take time and money, leaving me just as broke as I am now.
It will take constantly connecting with my audience and my support system.
It will take fake smiles and waves and hiding my true identity sometimes for my own safety and my own sanity.
But I’m willing.
Because what if all the moving from hotel room to city to house to country was all for something – because now I can make a home anywhere and don’t mind strangers, strange places or even sleeping in cars?
The straight laced parents who scared me away from doing anything like drugs until I lost all interest?
The highly competitive nature of the classical world – because I can handle the pressure with a smile?
And what about teasing and the bullying – because now I don’t give a damn what anyone says? (yes even the low self esteem for so long because it means no one can say anything I haven’t already thought myself at some point.)
The lowest of the depression and the highest of the highs.
What if it was all grooming me for this very moment?
I don’t want to believe that it was for nothing. Instead, I will continue to strive.
I’m far from normal.
In fact, I’m pretty damn kickass.
It’s just a short time before everyone else sees that too.
The ravings of a girl who is now lead singer of a band.